My name is Bryan and I’ve been smoking since I was seven years old! It all started with my friends, who were all much older than me and all smoked. It began with the odd cigarette with friends, then, before you know it, you’re buying them for yourself!
The only other time I’ve managed to stop smoking was between 1980 and 1983, and even that was by accident. I remember having ten cigarettes left one morning and no money to buy any more until I got paid. I could have borrowed some money, but I thought I’d try and make these ten cigarettes last until after the weekend, when I got paid. My plan was to not have my first cigarette until lunchtime and from there try and space them out as much as possible. That afternoon I still hadn’t smoked, which wasn’t like me at all, but I felt fine. I remember thinking, ‘See what happens come this evening,’ and that’s how it went for the next three years.
I eventually relapsed during a difficult time in my life. I was outside Leeds General Infirmary at the time, waiting to hear if my son was going to pull through or not, as he was in a critical condition.
I remember feeling helpless and even visited the hospital chapel, which tells you how desperate I was, and I was preparing for the worst. Eventually, I remember going off and finding a local pub and, without even thinking, I bought a whisky and a packet of cigarettes. Thankfully, my son pulled through and was eventually allowed home, but by this time I was back smoking.
My attitude towards smoking has always been, ‘My life, my body,’ regardless of the situation.
I did try briefly to stop again after my first heart attack, which would have been around 2012. I remember getting home from the hospital and buying some nicotine patches, but they didn’t work, and I was back smoking as soon as I felt better.
I remember even after the heart attack, while waiting for surgery, wanting a cigarette. Like I said, regardless of the situation, I’ve always turned to cigarettes and even lying there, waiting for surgery, I couldn’t wait to get outside and have a smoke.
I know how that sounds, but that’s how it is when you’re a smoker. Cigarettes have always controlled me, although I’ve never really put up much of a fight. That’s probably why I’ve smoked for the best part of 58 of my 68 years.
Looking back at those three years when I stopped without any support or products, it’s amazing when you think about it. I wasn’t thinking back then about the health benefits of quitting or anything.
As morbid as this sounds, I remember a conversation I had with friends back in my 20s. It was around the time someone we knew had died, and it got us talking about our life expectancy, and this is how I thought it would pan out:
All apart from one has come true and if I can help it, I’m going to try and prove myself wrong!
Recently, I’ve started to take notice of my health, more so now than at any other time in my life. I still see myself as a young man, but time is catching up with me, like it does with us all.
I’ve not been able to do a great deal of exercise or physical activity since the heart attacks, but more recently I’ve noticed my breathing has got a lot worse, not just my ability to get around.
I was informed that I had COPD, but again didn’t take much notice and carried on as normal. It was years later when I spoke with a respiratory nurse who, if you like, educated me and told me to stop kidding myself that it’s all down to my heart attacks, but more to the point, my 20–25 cigarettes a day. Even though I can remember having this conversation and taking a lot from it, I continued smoking but, rather than blaming the heart attack, I acknowledged it was down to the cigarettes.
It's difficult to stop something when it’s what you really enjoy and the idea of stopping is not even something I’d ever considered, or when I did, I would say to myself, ‘‘If I stop now, then what? I might get another 5–20 years if I’m lucky, or if I keep smoking, I’d probably still get 5–15 years with today’s medicines.” This is how I justified my behaviour for many years.
My health has deteriorated over the years, and with that, I’ve come to question my way of thinking!
It was, again, by accident that I found myself thinking about stopping smoking after another conversation with my respiratory nurse. She asked me if I had considered stopping smoking? I still don’t know why, but to the surprise of the nurse, I said, “Yes, go on then, I’ll give it a go.” That very second, she picked up the phone and referred me to Yorkshire Smokefree Calderdale. That evening, I got a phone call from the stop smoking team and they booked me in for my first appointment. I wasn’t sure what to think, but all I knew was something told me to give it a go, and that’s what I did, for the first time in over 40 years.
During the initial appointment, I was given many options that could help me to stop smoking, but something about the vape appealed to me. I’d never really given any thought to using a vape before, but after speaking with the gentleman, I thought I’d give it a go as I wasn’t keen on using the patches again. To my surprise, it was explained to me that the vape pilot was funded by Yorkshire Cancer Research and delivered by Yorkshire Smokefree. Knowing this gave me confidence that these vapes that I had heard a lot about on the news were worth trying, as neither service would endorse them if they were unsafe.
Eight days after the referral was made by my respiratory nurse, I was engaging with the service and, to my surprise, smoke-free.
It’s been life-changing! Since putting down the cigarettes:
I’m proud of my achievement!
In such a short period of time, I can’t believe the difference to my day-to-day life. It’s like a switch in my brain has been turned off and I’m now able to deal with a behaviour that’s controlled me for so many years. At this moment in time, I’m happy with my progress and can eventually see myself not even using the vape.
I would never tell anyone to stop smoking as I understand how difficult it is. What I would say, though, is you are never too old to stop, and even if, like me, you’ve smoked for the best part of 58 years, it’s not too late – it’s amazing how quickly you feel the benefits of quitting!
Since engaging with the service, to my surprise, several friends and family members have recognised these changes first-hand and are also considering accessing the service. I would never put any pressure on someone who smokes, but if I can help and support them in any way, that would be fantastic. Personally, I’m so grateful to both Yorkshire Cancer Research and Yorkshire Smokefree for giving me an alternative option to the more traditional stop-smoking medications. I know vapes are not for everyone, but if you have tried other ways and not been successful, I would recommend giving the vapes a go, ideally with support as it really does help.
